I Should Be Writing.

I should be writing. But I'm on facebook. I should be reading. But I’m on twitter. I should be drawing. But I'm on instagram. I should be creating. But I’m distracted. Endlessly distracted. 

I can’t blame these platforms. Sure, they’re a bright shinny shopfront, but I could pass by. Except I’m the type that has to go in. I’m the type that has to buy the thing. Even though I can’t really afford it and should be spending my money on rent, bills, food. My time on writing, reading, creating.

I’ve decided to trying something different this year. I’m not deleting my accounts, they’re still up there. But for a while I’m going to step away from them and really try to focus on my creative endeavors. I have plenty to do. So, instead of scrolling for 20 minutes on twitter and facebook, maybe clicking on two or three interesting articles in that time, I’m going to start disciplining myself to do something creative. To work on my script for “10 Days in December”, which needs work. To work on my novel, “The Cats of the Crescent”, which I’ve had for nearly 10 years. To work on some smaller, new ideas I have. To work on the stuff I’m actually getting paid to do!

I also want to get back to film, and rediscover my passion for it, because, to be entirely honest, I’ve lost it. I sat down to do my top ten list of movies of the year, and I suddenly realised, I didn’t have a top ten! I don’t think I’ve seen that many movies this year. I used to see movies all the time. Several a week. Some times a couple a day. I can’t do that anymore, I have three kids! If I see more than one movie a day I’m usually watch Despicably Me 2 17 times.

I want to get back to study. I used to read about film all the time. Books, books on film, on directors, on camera, on technique, on lighting. Articles in journals. I’d buy all the film mags, Sight and Sound, Moviemaker, Filmmaker, Film Ireland, Digital Filmmaker, American Cinematographer, Empire and even Total Film! Just to get a fix, just to be up to date on everything that was going on and coming out. I don’t do that anymore. 

I don’t watch a lot of film, I don’t read about films and I don’t enthuse and gush about films like I used to. I follow a lot of successful filmmakers online, indie and mainstream, highly successful, working, newbies and oldies, and they all have one thing in common, they love film, the gush film, they talk 95% about film and their love for it (the other 5% is usually facepalming something Trump has just done.)

I used to be like that. I didn’t have twitter back in the day, but I’d do it to whoever was willing to listen. And there was usually someone nearby who shared my passion, or at least, like film enough to listen to me waffle on. I want to get some of that back. Or rediscover film, in a new way. With a different understanding. Fall in love again, and this stage in my life. Before I make another film.

And I do want to make another film. I’m not doing it because I have to, or because I’ve found myself on this path and don’t know how to get off. I’m doing it because I love storytelling and I love film. I love what it does and how it does it. I love that it can surprise, delight and change people, at least, change their way of thinking in a moment, that may lead to real change, inside a person and in a community. It shines a light in the dark. In the dark of a room, and of a soul.

My plan, or, hope I should say, is to be distracted less. To study and watch more. To see more films. To read more books. To clear my watch-list, and the 200+ DVDs, among the 1000+ I own, that I haven’t watched yet! I hope to be blogging more here too. I’ve kind of let this go over the years. Life. But I’m hoping to compile my thoughts, edit them, and present them in long form here, rather than in passing bursts of hot takes. And I’ll post updates on projects. It’ll be more like a journal. So, back to it I guess, I hope.