Saturday, May 05, 2018
As an artist, having worked in the soul-crushing, creativity-destroying and confidence-wrecking, corporate world for the last 3 and half years I've come to this simple conclusion: One of the many things I like about filmmaking (or writing, or painting) is the completion.
I start something, finish it, there's a sense of accomplishment. Not to mention the creativity, the fun, the excitement and community that springs up around any film, with the cast, crew, backers, audience, online community. And when it's complete I move on to the next project.
When I sit behind a desk working for "The Man", I'm a cog in a machine. I'm there to churn and spin. Forced to repeat myself in some mindless activity. To do the same thing over and over, so it becomes muscle memory. There's no sense of accomplishment, nothing to show, no real appreciation from anyone. Certainly no creativity or community. And here's no end in site. I could sit there till the grave if I wanted, having left no mark, having changed nothing.
And look, plenty of people find satisfaction, pride and worth in that. They have a very different perspective that I do. Sometimes I wish I could find satisfaction in it, but I don't, that's me! It's just something I've come to realize. I'm not made for it, which is why I'm leaving. I've stayed too long as it is.
I just hope the rot that's set in can be cleared out quickly, and I can get back to my real work, start some projects, finish them, put something into new and original the world.