Ed. Dit. Ting.

I'm editing. It's 2am. I am up, when I should be sleeping, trying to join to scenes so I have one long completed scene assembled. Trying to find needles in haystacks. Doesn't help when MPEG streamclip decided not convert a bunch of DSLR files, so if I don't seem to be finding the take I know should be there, chances are it's in the un-converted files, which means rendering on the timeline, which means hours of my life down the toilet, creative momentum out the window and the will to live seeping out my pours.

Don't us DSLR camera to shoot a movie people, just don't, they're cheap, they're trendy, but they're a pain in the ass. And honestly, I'm not a fan of the look. I wanted to use 2 Sony EX1 cameras on Derelict, but one didn't arrive, so I used what I had, Canons, they work fine and really it does look good, it'll work, but I do much prefer the look of the Sony, and there have been no issues whatsoever with the sony files. Just save yourself a whole heap of headaches and use movie cameras to shoot movie. Use the canons for stills.

Sorry, I'm tired and a little cranky! The film is coming together though. I'm happy with what I've assembled. But I still have a lot of work to do. I'm hoping to have the film assembled in a week or two, but then comes the creative part! Putting some shape and pace to it, creating a tone, finding the film it is, will be and will remain forever. They say a film is never finished, only abandoned - I'm hoping to abandon this one at the end of February, beginning of March for entry into the Cannes Film Festival. Whatever my chances are, I don't know, I'm not really thinking about it or worried about it, but it's a deadline, and deadlines are useful!

OK, my file has rendered. Back to the edit... sorry, this was kind of a crap post! More of a rant/update. More soon!

Oh, here's the new teaser poster.

Wanna make a movie in 2012?

I got an email a couple of days ago from a young filmmaker starting out who asked for some advice. Here’s what I wrote back.

It's often hard to give advice, for two reasons, one; everyone's situation and journey are different. And two; I still feel like I'm starting out and haven't really achieved what I hope to.

When you ask how I got into the film industry? I have to be honest, I'm not actually IN the film industry, I'm very much on the outside as an independent filmmaker. I make my own films without support or financial backing. But I'd be happy to share with you how I do that.

First, I don't make money at it, and if you go down this road chances are you wont make money at it either. I've never made any profit making films. I've sold a couple yes, but only ever broken even once. In saying that, I don't do it for the money!

In putting a film together it begins with the script, as you know, I think this is the most important and crucial stage. It's so easy to get excited and run in all guns blazing without a finished or ready script. What will happen is your film will being to fall apart, you might get it shot, but in the edit, everything you should have spent time on in the writing will be become all to apparent. It's worth spending time on the script, besides, that’s the only free part of the process! So take advantage!

When the script is ready and you want to start putting it together I would begin with a crew, people you know and trust. They don't have to be professionals, they don't have to be the best in the world, but so long as they know what they're doing and understand what you want. Try to find a DOP first, a good sound recordist is important (sound is KEY, especially at this level, you can get away with a lot visually, but if you have bad sound - your film is ruined!) - the rest of the crew will come as you move forward.

I would suggest keeping it to a skeleton crew, 8 - 10 people. At this level, everyone's going to be pitching in and doing multiple jobs. But I would say some important jobs (aside from camera and sound) would be continuity, you really need to have someone paying attention, taking notes and pictures, because if you're shooting out of sequence it can very quickly get out of hand. An Assistant Director, 1^st AD, someone to watch the clock, keep things moving and make sure everything and everyone are in the right place at the right time, someone who can take away the distractions and allow you to concentrate on directing and be creative.

Then begin to cast. You may know some actors already? Do any suit the parts? Maybe friends or colleagues have worked with actors they like? Meet with them, tell them about your script, see if you like them and could work with them. Make sure you see their work too. A mistake you don’t want to make is getting someone just because they've said yes. This goes for crew too. If they're bad it will damage your film and make it less believable. It will also be a nightmare to edit. You still need good people. You still need to do the best job you can, even if it is on a tiny budget and even if everyone has agreed to work for free and/or on deferral contracts (where you agree to pay them the daily minimum at least if and after the film goes into profit). They’re signing up to work, not hang around for a week.

Speaking of budget, if you want to shoot an independent short film, or even feature, you can do a lot with goodwill (people giving their time for free) - couple of things to remember, if people are working for free talk to them, let them know what's going on, let them know they are appreciated and thank them for their time. But don't let them get away with not working. If they are going to commit to helping then they need to help and not hinder! You can do this nicely and easily with a speech at the start of pre-production and again at the start of principal photography - something to the effect of "Thanks for coming, you're appreciated, but we have a tough week ahead and I need everyone to help me make a film we can all be proud of..." kind of thing. If someone is taking the piss and just getting in the way don't be afraid to ask them to leave.

Feed people!!!

Very important. In your budget make sure you have money to feed people, it's only fair! A well fed cast and crew are a happy cast and crew. A table with plenty of snacks, cookies, bars, plenty of fruit and sandwich making stuff, lots of water and tea and coffee. And one hot meal a day. Perhaps making soup available daily too. You can tell them there will be food, snacks and a hot meal, but perhaps suggest getting breakfast before they come and having dinner at home. Save yourself some cash.

Schedule your days realistically. I would suggest starting with breaking your script up into locations, even if in a house - shoot in one place until you have all the shots are got and then move on to the next location. It's easier and less time consuming that way. (Unless of course you're going handheld and following people in and out of rooms, it doesn't apply then) 

Again, if people are working for free, try to keep the shoot short, a week, two weeks max. If people are giving up their time their probably making financial sacrifices or passing up other opportunities, be conscious of that - but don't let it distract you, again, if they're committing to you then they've made their choice. But it's only fair that you don't ask too much of people, you might lose some good will otherwise. Ways around this if you're running over is to pull people aside and let them know what's going on, keeping people informed helps more then you think it will, or paying them, even if it's a small amount.

OK, back to budget and how to raise it.

1. Community fundraiser.

Have a fundraiser where you live. Find a venue, put on a comedy, rock, table quiz night. Charge people a small amount at the door €5 or €10, and then sell raffle tickets while the entertainment is going on to win sponsored prizes (you'll have to have local businesses donate prizes, this is also easier then you think... you will get people who will rudely dismiss you, which is humiliating, but you'll get more people who'll gladly help) I made €1000 for a short by doing this.

2. Auction.

Do you have artist friends? Do you know prominent artist? Have them donate work, set a reserve, which they get (if sold) and agree that you get the profit of the whatever is sold (some may even give you all the money) Go to a local gallery, art centre, something like that and ask them if you could host the night there, put on some wine and a light buffet. 

note: You will have to spend some money to do this. The old Spend money to make money. You will also have to do a lot of leg work to get people in the doors. Advertise. Posters. Try and get on local radio. People are also pretty good about sponsoring this stuff, just ask, the worst they can do is say no.

3. Online Crowdfunding

This is becoming increasingly popular. I've used it twice with great success, on two films, 140 and Derelict (my current film) Kickstarter is an American site and only available to American users, for now, but you should have a look at the pitch videos and other projects just to see how people put them together and how they pitch them. IndieGoGo is similar site you can sign up to from anywhere (Funit.ie in Ireland). And I believe there are others out there now.

Again, you have to push it and put the leg work in, no one's just going to just show up out of the blue and give you cash, you have to shout about it, get on facebook, twitter - It doesn't matter if you hate those sites, you want people to get behind the project you have to let them know about it and social networking is the best way to do that. We’re in the age of digital media and social network, it’s only an advantage to the independent filmmaker, use it… again – It’s Free!!!

You will need some cash, for food, some equipment rental, travel expenses, insurance and things that will inevitable pop up during the shoot. But you can make a film for next to nothing if you're clever and tenacious enough. You can get a descent short for €2000 if you want to put a little cash in to be sure. Don’t be a afraid to ask for things, for sponsorship, for free stuff, water, food, equipment, you never know what you might get.

With regard to equipment, lights, cameras, all you may need - get in touch with a local rental house, tell them what you're doing and ask if there is a way they can help, either by giving you a discount or by lending stuff for free off season, often places will do this, if they're cool they'd rather help out a young filmmaker then see the stuff lying there. After all, you may be a very good future customer and you're going to go to the place that helped you out first!

But I would say, don't let money stop you from making a film. If you want to make a film, you should. If you believe in it and start it, the money will come. Often, when people put money into a project it's not because the believe in the project so much, it's that they believe in you, and like to see people doing something creative and positive. So go do it, start it and it will happen.

It's a tough road, no question about that, and at some point you will ask yourself why you started it, I still do! But it is also very rewarding, and once you've made this film you're just going to want to get onto the next one.

Here’s a 10 point breakdown:

1. Get the script right.

2. Get people you know and trust involved early on.

3. Get a good cast.

4. Makes Sure people are committed.

5. Raise some funds, but don't worry too much about it.

6. Schedule you film.

7. Set a Date! Move toward it.

8. Feed people.

9. Communicate with people.

10. When directing, be assertive, confident, sure and put yourself in the centre of the room. You're the leader. You're the reason everyone's here. Remember that. 

Two bonus points:

Be nice to people.

Put some money aside for the wrap party!!!

Hope that helps you somewhat! As I said at the start, everyone’s journey is different so you may find your own ways of doing things. Tap every resource you have, you’ll get there.

Couple of books you should read to: Digital Filmmaking by Mike Figgis and Producing With Passion: Making Films That Change The World by Dorothy Fadiman and Tony Levelle (which is about making documentaries but so much of how to get a film up and running applies). Two of the best books I’ve read on how to make a film, because they’re practical, simple, constructive and inspirational.

So go on, go make a film in 2012, send it to me when you’re done! And don’t forget to enjoy yourself! You’re living your dream after all.


Addition: When looking for funding go to you local Council, they usually have an arts fund, ask about it. Some other organisations you may not expect may also have arts or education funds, some charities do, ask around, you might be surprised what you find.

Glance Back.

End of year. Stock taking time. Looking back. Reflection. What have I learned this year? A lot.

The year began as the previous had ended, trying to get Derelict off the ground. It was a slog. But we got there and the film got shot. Easy as chips. No, not really. It was hard work. But I'm happy with it. Happy with the experience. Worked out in the end. Although it was a tough shoot. One that left me drained and questioning whether or not I actually wanted to continue directing. But I got back on the horse. Got over it. Found my passion remained intact. I learned a few things along the way. To take with me to the next one.

140 won an award. Raise My Hands got into a couple of festivals. Slán agus Beannacht sold to RTE and was broadcast on national television. Couple of disappointments. Couple of interesting prospects. Doors began to open that had always remained shut. Even if only slightly. A crack. A sliver of light. But light nonetheless. And once there is light there is hope and once there is hope we keep moving forward.

So onward.

One thing I did learn, not so much learn as - have been reminded of - I need to listen to my instincts more, I need to remember my own vision, especially in the darkest times when all around are questioning the direction I'm leading them, because it was that vision that brought us there, and it will be that vision that leads us out, some may doubt, but as long I don't I know we'll get there. I have to have faith in myself, because if I don't - how can anyone else?

Faith, belief and strength moving forward. Happy Christmas all. Enjoy the holidays. And a very prosperous New Year.

A Dose of Reality.

I was a guest speaker at my old college today, Ballyfermot College of Further Education (or Senior College as it was known back in the day). I was an animation student, graduated in 2000. So I was asked to come in and talk to the same class, as it is now. I was delighted, if not a little apprehensive, to do so - just because I get nervous before these things, also because I almost flunked out of that college and because I didn't pursue animation afterward. So I was trying to find an angle to approach the talk from. I decided honesty was the best policy.

I wanted to give them a very real look at what it's like to be an independent filmmaker working outside the system, outside the industry. So I did. I'm a bit worried I may have depressed them!

I tried to be constructive, offer hints and tips, advice and direction and tell them how to go about putting a film together, without backing. But amid the constructive were the harsh realities, the lack of income, the toll on personal life, family and finances and the sacrifices required to pursue a creative life, a life where you're a working artist. It's not an easy one. It's not glamorous in the least. It's bloody hard work. It's pressure. Stress. And when you find yourself clasping you chest with pain walking up a hill and find yourself strapped to a heart monitor later that same day... can be questionable!

(For the record I didn't have a heart attack, it was anxiety from lots of different things going on at that time!)

I talked about everything I could get to in two hours. I admit I did find myself rambling at times. Going off script and losing my notes. But going back over them on the way home I found I hit most of the points I had hoped too. Also managed to show my 3 shorts and the first cut scene from Derelict (so bit of an exclusive there for them! - No one else is allowed to see it, so don't ask.)

I think I'm better at answering questions then just straight talking. I'm good in Q&As. But when I have to stand in front of a room and just talk I tend to ramble and lose my place! Hopefully I wasn't too bad today. Gareth Lee, the course co-ordinator who invited me to talk, said to me afterwards that he felt it was a dose of reality for them and probably not a bad thing!

I agree with that in one sense, I think it's good to see the real side of things, but I also like to be inspired and to inspire. I always remember Glenn Keane's lectures when I attended the school, I would come out of the class flying, zooming, buzzed and fueled for weeks to come. I don't feel like I did that, in fact, I know I didn't, so I'm a little disappointed. When I listen to my favourite directors speak I'm always inspired, and even when they tell the harsh realities of there life, I'm still inspired... I guess though it's because they're in a better place, they've made it, they are where they want to be.

I'm not there yet, I'm still on the outside, still struggling. So hopefully that will change soon. Hopefully I'll be able to go back in a few years and inspire, rather then frighten!

Something with Swords.

Here's an interesting thing.

In 2001, when I made the decision to fully commit to pursuing a career in film and started writing a kidnap crime thriller, my two top films of that year, that I drew a lot of inspiration from, were Memento and Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon.

I have two kinds of films I love to watch, well, I love all kinds of films, but I always come back to two - the contained dark and violent crime thriller and the epic adventure.

This year, 2011, ten years on, having finally made my first feature film, a dark and violent kidnap crime thriller, I find that my two top films of this year are Drive, a smaller contained violent crime thriller, and 13 Assassins, an epic adventure (also an asian swordplay movie as it happens!)

Just found that interesting. A couple of full circle moments.

So I guess now that I've made my small crime thriller I'll have to make an epic adventure next...  something with swords!

Behind the Scenes

Some behind the scene shoots from various cameras on Set:

Base Camp. Two story below the floor we were shooting on we had our break room. It was a cozy little corner, food, fridge, tea and coffee, couches, chairs and a rug. Tech station for sound and camera. Room for make-up and props. Back to the Future, Clint Eastwood and Steve McQueen hanging on the wall to watch over us. It was still chilly, dusty and I'm sure everyone was glad to see the back of it when they left!!! Still was a nice break from the pressure cooker of the top floor.

Everyone hanging out in between shots. I remember it was chilly, I never really felt the cold that much. I know it effected some people more than other... probably the ones who were hanging aroun for hours at a time, but I was constantly running around. But when we went back for the pick up in October, the temperature drop made me grateful we'd shot in September, then again in November! That was cold.

Steve gets Make-up from Mary Ellen while I figure out what we're doing next.

Setting up a shot, shooting day for night.

Roger Ryan, our Gaffer. He rigged most things on set, all the wiring, electricity, lights. He was always on hand with his trusty Duct tape. There would be a probably, I'd say 'Rog, we need this to do this so we can film this" - he would disappear for ten minutes and come back with some tool, or rig, or invented contraption I'd never seen before that would make it work. He also has a great attitude, brought levity. Employ this man on your set.

Below is Wendy Tinsley, John's girlfriend. She has been a friend for many years and has worked on all of my films in one form or another (even played a part in one of my dodgy amateur efforts back in the day). Wendy came to the mill on the Saturday before the shoot and spent the afternoon with me, John and roger sweeping up half a ton of pigeon shit! Thanks Wendy!

Steve Gunn, playing Davey-boy, takes a moment between scenes. I enjoyed working with Steve. He brings a lot of energy to the set and is fully commited to making the scene work, hitting the right beats and understanding everything each character is saying, why and where it leads. He builds the archs of each scene, each exchange and delivers.

Play-back. John shows Steve the last scene.

The Van Scene... Gerry Shanahan and Patrick O'Donnell. Patient Men! They waited around all evening to shoot this scene. It was supposed to be an easy day, this was the Tuesday and we didn't have Michael, so we only had two scenes to film with out him. I thought we'd be done by 8pm... we start shooting this scene at mid-night! I forget why. But the boys pulled it off.

Slightly evil look of from me! Pat was great to work with. He really changed the character of Tone to something all his own. It's a joy to watch an actor take something you've written, read it line for line, but change the character and meaning so completely you feel like you had nothing to do with it's creation. I was thrilled with Pat's take on the character. It was a surprise, and I love surprises!

Me below, dancing as I leave set!

 

Michael during pick-ups in October. The effects of the shoot beginning to show!

Michael was great to work with. As the lead of the film he set the tone and created the over mood of the piece. J became a dark, brooding character, one who tries to do good and keep himself contained. Michael did a great job of showing that. As he slipped into make-up and character I often felt bad for putting him in such a dark place, it must be a draining thing to portray someone so tormented... but then cameras would roll and I would feel so bad anymore.

That was a brief look behind the scenes. There should be some more pics to come and there is plenty of behind the scenes footage which I'll try to get up as I'm going through the edit.

Fully WRAPPED.

We shot the last day of pick-ups today, which included the opening scene, some pick-ups we dropped on the last pick-up days (so pick-up pick-ups) and an a final scene in the Mill between Michael Bates and Steve Gunn. Went great, really good. Couldn't have been better in fact. I was slightly worried about it because we were fighting against the light. First we were up at 4 am for a driving scene that had to be filmed on empty road in the dark, so we were fitting against the sunrise. And then later, we were shooting day for night and so fighting against the sunset... why is everything backwards in film?

Steve, Michael and John really pulled it off this morning in the van. I was left sitting in the back peeping through a window... which I almost went through at one point when Michael slammed on the breaks to hard and the entire contents of the back of the van slid toward me! It was a fun scene though. The lads read their lines and then improvised a lot of stuff. So I'm looking forward to cutting it.

We finished bang on 7am, just as the sun started to poke its head up. Then back to my house for a delicious breakfast as prepared by Maryann. Then back to the Mill for 9am. Shot the pick-ups with Michael we missed on the previous pick up days and then up stairs for a final, and important scene between J and Davey-boy.

It went great, the boys gave awesome performance, really ratcheted up the tension in a 6 minute one take wonder! It looked fantastic.

So that is it. Derelict is in the can. My first feature film. A dream I've had since I was small and an idea I've been working toward for 10 years. I'm feeling a bit sleepy right now (4am wake up call) but very happy, very satisfied, it feels like an achievement.

I want to thank everyone who was involved, who believed in it, me and stuck by me and the project.

The Cast: Michael Bates, Steve Gunn, Gerry Shanahan, Elaine Reddy, Rory Mullen, Catherine Wrigglesworth, Brian Fortune and Patrick O'Donnell.

The Crew: John Lawlor, Susan Downey, Richie Quinn, Marie Valarie Jeanalot, James Mullholland, Roger Ryan, Mary Ellen Darby, Eddie Quinn and Keith Ward.

Seek these people out. Work with them. Employ them. They are talented, reliable, hard working, committed and awesome.

To all the encouragers, supporters, sponsors, friend and family who stood by me and this project, my thanks.

But of course, as always, most of all, thanks to my wife Maryann, who bears the brunt of compulsion to make film! Who must be the practical thinker in our household. Who must figure out how to buy food and pay bills and balance life when I come in bright eyed and excited saying "I have a great idea for a film, I've already called the cast and crew and they're in, we're shooting in September..." She is the most patient and incredible woman I've ever known and I'm very very lucky to have her as my wife!

Thanks everyone. More new soon. Hopefully some footage. Maybe a trailer!

I'm off to lie down...

Picking Up

Post from a couple of weeks ago after pick-ups I forgot to post:

Just finished two days of pick-ups and feeling good about them. Saturday we shot 12 pages! Well done everyone, haven't done that since the madness of Day 1, way back when. We even managed to grab a couple of cool little extras with Patrick O'Donnell. He had only come in to (SPOILER!!!) lie unconscious in the background, but sure while he was around we threw in a few extra bits and pieces.

We picked up all the shots we dropped with Brian Fortune and Michael Bates, important scenes that needed the time by themselves, really the moral centre of the film. So I was glad to have the time just to concentrate of them. Admittedly we spent a long time concentrating on them!!! I thought we'd be finished the day's shoot at 9pm, maybe 10pm! We went till 3am!!! But that's nothing new. Still, it was good, we were getting nice stuff and remaining creative, even at the end of a very long day.

One lesson I've learned on this one, some worth baring in mind, for a reasonable day of shooting, where you're not stretching yourself, rushing, running into silly hours, 4 pages is probably realistic - and if it's a complicated fight scene, maybe just do that in a day. Although, in saying that, Derelict probably would have taken a month, of shooting everyday, and when people are working for free, giving generously of the time and talent, a month would just be impossible to ask. I hope I get the chance to repay, and pay everyone who worked on this with a paid gig at some point, and not one that's crammed into a short time period, but has room to breathe!

Again, in saying that, we got great stuff and for an ultra-low budget film shoot in a week, I think we did OK.

Today was complicated, we were shooting day-for-night (that's when you shoot during the day and colour it to look like night - quite common in film and when done right unnoticeable) So that meant we were burning daylight. We already lost the morning be we shot so late yesterday, giving us 5 hours to do 4 pages. Doable, sure, but again, fight scenes, and a stunt. Fights get fiddly. We were belting along, get stuff in the can one shot after another. But it's just incredible how time slips by on a film set.

So, we unfortunately ran out of sun before we were done and had to drop the end of one shot and another (short) scene entirely. We have to go back anyway so better to do it right than do something rushed, or unusable. It also meant we finish at 5pm, which was lovely!

Still one day to go. Feeling good about it overall and looking forward to getting back and finishing.

In the News

Just a quick one, have house guests so not much time to blog, but thought I'd post these before they passed.  Oh, and I came up with an idea for a sequel to Derelict which I might write!!!

Front page of IFTN, here's the article.

Recent article by the Drogheda Leader.

In the shadows. In the dark. Watching us.

To the Gathered Crowd in the Dark

Heading back to the mad house this weekend. Back for two days to pick up a few scenes we dropped during the shoot. Seems like so long ago now. It's been a busy time since then. A couple of projects have popped up and distracted me from editing Derelict. Iscariot being one, and a potential project that may or may not yield anything, but one worth pursuing to the end nonetheless. So the edit has been on the long finger. Probably a good thing to have a break. And with these shots over the weekend I'll have 95% of the film to cut.

We will have to go back to the mill, but only for an afternoon and just one scene. And there a scene to be shot in the front of a van, which can be done anywhere anytime. But hopefully soon. Not before Christmas though. These days cost a lot, a lot more than I have. Another grand to do this weekend. Another personal loan I did not want to have to get right before Christmas. But I felt it had to be done. I didn't want to leave these important scenes too long. I had hoped to get everything we needed this weekend, another day will still cost be €400, but wasn't to be. Hence after Christmas. Lessons learned on this one.

It's still an ultra-low budget film, I think at the end of it the budget will be €6500. But it's a lot when you're unemployed, have a young family, and you're paying for half of all that yourself! Sorry wife! I hope one day you'll learn to forgive... hopefully before you divorce me! That's something else that's important at this level of filmmaking - a supportive wife! But even the most supportive can have their patience tested.

I have to admit, the last month has been difficult, perhaps the most difficult and challenging of my career so far. Not finishing Derelict was a pain, and it's costing me more than I had hoped. I was exhausted coming off of it and got into a bit of a slump. Writing on Iscariot helped, and this new project too. They reignited my fire for film. Then I bolloxed it all up by making a faux pa, mentioning someone in an email I shouldn't have and perhaps jepordising a chance to do something fantastic. I'm not sure how it will pan out, but I fear the damage that was done may be irreversible. Thus ruining the best chance at jump starting the career I've been trying to build for 15 years.

It made me want to throw in the towel there and then. And I almost did. But it was my wife, the one who keeps having her patience tested by being married to a stubborn Independent filmmaker, who said - "Give up because you've lost your passion. Give up because you don't care anymore. But don't give up because it's hard." Can't really argue with that.

We make mistakes in life. Nothing we can do about other people. We just have to work around it. And if a chance is lost because of it, then we have to rise above and move on. I've been keeping my head down and moving forward for as long as I can remember. All I've ever wanted to do is make movies. I love them. I can't deny that. They're in my blood. Woven in the fabric of who I am. So I get over-zealous. I put my foot in it sometimes. I want to kick myself as much as the people I annoy do! And I feel like there are as many people trying to stop me as there are people who want to help me. But it's the nature of the game, the nature of the world.

I just have to keep reminding myself of why I love film, why I wanted to make them. It's because I love stories, I love to be taken on an adventure, I love to be thrilled, moved, engaged, surprised. And I love being able to give that to other people. Nothing in this world delights me more then seeing a great film (OK, maybe my daughter - but I'm talking in the context of film... you know what I mean!) I watched 13 Assassins a couple of weeks ago, I absolutely loved it LOVED it! And it came at the right time. It was a reminder. Great films always are.

That's the reason. To do something good. Regardless of the crap that you have to go through. The assholes you encounter. The drudgery, hardship and humiliation you are forced to endure daily. It's about the film. It's about what goes up on the screen and what you give to an audience. That's all it was ever about. That's the beacon of light in the dark, and it comes from a projector, shining out onto to 50 foot screen to a gathered crowd in the dark full of anticipation and excitement. It's for them. No one else. Not the idiot trying to stop you, standing in your way, saying NO NO NO. It's for that 9 year-old kid, seeing Back to the Future for the first time and suddenly realising that's why he was born. To do that.

So I'm going to finish my film. I'm going to keep trying to make more films. I'm not going to let anyone stand in my way... especially me.

Madness and Method.

Yes, my post-shoot blog post was a little bleak and Yes, I have cheered up since then! I was just wiped-out, perhaps a little emotional and a bit disappointed in not getting everything done in the week. I think in the entire week of shooting I slept all of 30 hours, out of 168! And then came off that straight into broken nightmare sleeps... so no, probably was in the best frame of mind. Still, it was how I was feeling at the time and as this blog has the word Journey in the title I have to tell it as is goes.

Bag-O-Tricks

I've since settled back into normal life and have caught up on sleep (as much as my soon-to-be two year-old daughter lets me! - but I guess that is normal now!) and I was talking with DOP John Lawlor yesterday about a fun idea for a new project!!! It's a sort of sequel to Derelict, but it's a comedy. I think I need to do a comedy after these last few years! It's all been very dark indeed.

I've been logging all the footage (no editing yet) and I must say it looks good, I'm very happy with how it's turned out. I need to finish logging and labeling and start choosing and syncing and then start the edit. I had hoped to have had it started by now but, well, life pokes it's head in and reminds you of the other things you put off while making the film - like finishing the bathroom and bringing the ever increasing pile of recycling to the centre and the contents of the attic to the charity shop! Not that I've actually done any of that mind you... Procrastination!

We're going back in two weeks to shoot pick-ups for a day and then the week after for two days, and that will everything, I hope, should be. I'm looking forward to getting it done. I know it has to be sooner rather then later for risk of it not being completed. I'd rather do it when it's fresh in our minds. And it deserves it of course, both for the film and for the work everyone's put in.

The scenes we're going back to get are really the most important in the film, at least the most important for those characters. One is the scene that changes everything for all the characters and leads to the eventual outcome, and it's just a simple conversation between two characters. The other, the same, a conversation between two characters, that is really theme of the whole film and the emotional center of the piece. So they're important to get.

I was sad we had to drop them in the main shoot, but now I'm glad in a way. Given their importance I'm glad we can take our time with them, settle in to them, spend a day on them rather than a rushed two hours.

In saying that though I don't feel the shoot was rushed... OK, it was a bit, and more in some places than others - But, I think it leant itself to the scenes themselves. For example, when we were shooting the opening scene of the film, where everyone arrives, we really had time constraints on that one, we flew through it, didn't stop for anything, and people got testy and edgy and probably felt rushed - but that was what the scene was about, the characters being on edge, testy, rushed.

This happened again and again, we ended up in similar situations to those being portrayed, which, was my point in doing it this way from the start (see old posts) - being in a situation as close to the real one as possible so we could feed off the energy in the room... albeit a very dark, oppressive and negative energy! But again, we weren't making a romantic comedy here! I always felt like the energy was right, which was probably why I wasn't running around panicking. I was getting what I set out to get - So you see, there was some method to my madness!


Hopefully some more images soon, not too many thought, I don't want to give anything away. Maybe a trailer... probably not for a while though and maybe some outtakes, there are some funny ones I have to say! If I say the words Tone and Jesus, I know some people will already be laughing. More info too on the edit, and pick-ups as they come.

Meantime Thomas and I are back writing on Iscariot. Trying to get a new draft done by the end of November to go looking for money. Will be interesting to see how that goes. So I have one feature to edit and one to write in the next six weeks! Should be fun!!!

Early Images.

Gotta Love October!

As I settle in the edit 'Derelict', two of my short films are off doing their thing around the world.

New Poster (design by Lisa Kay)

First 'Raise My Hands' is screening this week as an Official Selection at the Heartland Film Festival in Indianapolis (my fourth film at the festival since 2006). Trailer on the right -->

And 'Slán agus Beannacht' will be broadcast on RTE2 (Ireland's National Broadcaster) on October 24th as part of their Short Screen series. Very excited about both.

October's turning out to be a busy month!

First Teaser Poster

Teaser Poster (including first image from the film)

5am? Let's do one more.

Last Sunday 15 people locked themselves in a dusty, blacked out, 200 year-old abandoned mill to make a film. None of them were ever seen again. Some images and random footage survived. This is their story.

The schedule was out the window before day one had even started. Our lead actor, Michael Bates, had a commercial in the middle of the week, which he had told be about, but assured me it would mean he'd be a couple of hours late one of the days, and to put it to the back of my mind. On the last day of rehearsal he got a call to say he would be needed for two full days, 5:30am pick-up to 6:30pm. Basically meaning he would have to leave early on Monday, be gone all day Tuesday, and be late Wednesday - remember, this was a five day shoot, and Michael was in every single scene of the film. So we were up shit creek from day one.

Michael Bates as J

Let me just say before I continue, this is no slight on Michael, he was fully committed to the film, and on the Wednesday, after a 5:30am start he came straight to the set and shot till 3am. Bad timing was all.

I decided to start shooting on Sunday, what was to be the blocking day, and to make things even more complicated I decided to start with the most complicated part of the film - the end. If you want to know if you're ready for something, get the entire cast in a room talking, shouting and pointing guns at each other. I very quickly realised just how complicated this film really was. There was me thinking a few people in one room would be easy, but it was tricky and mechanical.

The first night was tense. People were on edge. We got started late and then had an issue with the sound equipment. First it went missing. I was supposed to pick it up at 12, but Sue ended up going to get it, wasn't there, took them an hour to track down the guy who had it and then she had to drive into Dublin to find him to get it. Then when she got back the harddrive wouldn't work, wouldn't start up, took Sue two hours of rebooting and phone calls to fix it. So we started 4 hours late.

We got a alot in the can quickly and although we went till 5am, and didn't get done what I had planned to do that night, we still shot 11 pages in that first night. But it wasn't a great start to the week, morale-wise. It got everyone tired right away. The schedule was shunted again, which meant no-one really knew where and when they were.

By mid week the schedule was changing hourly. We were working with who was available and on set. Someone showed up who should have been told they weren't need, things would move. I was just trying to keep one foot in front of the other and not side step off a cliff. I was concentrating on what was in front of me in the moment. But that often meant people were hanging around all day who didn't need to be. Still, we were getting footage in the can.

Painting with Light

The week was up and down. Good days and bad days. I think the lowest ebb was Wednesday night. A particularily difficult and complicated shoot. Everyone's energy was sapped and the energy in the room was throw the floor. The break room that night was silent. Nobody talking and nobody looking at me. I felt hated. I felt as though I was losing my grip on the project and if I'd said 'Let's just leave it' people would have happily exited the building never to be seen or heard from again.

I was asking a lot from people, and although they were committed, they were there, when the schedule started slipping I do believe some people lost their faith in me and perhaps even regretted their decision to be a part of the project. You pick up on a vibe. You see how people look at you. You hear whispers in the corner when they think you're not close enough. That was hard for me. I felt upset and it made it difficult to concentrate on the task at hand. I went home that night more depressed then I had ever been on a film. I wont say I cried. But I was close.


I managed a good sleep, which always helps, and came to set with the previous day behind me. I smiled at people as they entered, well aware that everyone was on my project, there for me, and feeding off my energy. If I was sitting in the corner of the room not talking, then that's what I'd get back. So I stood at the stairs and smiled a warm hearty welcome to everyone as they came in. I hope it work. People seemed a bit more cheery that day and we got good work done that night. I was never as low again during the shoot anyway.

Amid the mayhem I believe the film was coming together. I was getting great performance from all involved, and even when at times actors weren't happy with what they were doing, or unsure, or not feeling it, I was continually blown away. The moment of the week came when Elaine Reddy delivered a stunning performance that floored everyone in the room and had us all reeling afterwards. She said she wasn't happy with it, but Fuck Me! I had goosebumps. When I said 'Cut' everyone in the room let out a huge sigh, because they'd all been holding their breath watching her.

This happened again and again for me. I knew scenes were working when I forgot where I was, when I would be watching the monitor and I'd forget to yell 'Cut' because I was at the movies, completely caught up in what was happening and waiting to see what was going to happen next, and then realising I still had to film that part!

It was interesting watching how the actors worked, there were 8 actors and 8 different processes in the room. It was difficult at times. But for me it was working. There was tension, but it was in the right place. People were constantly telling me what I should and shouldn't be doing, I believe they were trying to be helpful and I'm happy to take suggestions, and if they're good I'm more than happy to run with them. But it gets frustrating when people are questioning you, and basically saying you don't know what you're doing. I did know, I knew what I wanted, I knew what I was getting, I knew to keep going if it wasn't their yet. If it takes an extra hour to get the take that makes it into the film and raises the film to a higher standard, then I'm willing to go to bed at 5am instead of 3am.

Bright Star - Catherine Wrigglesworth

There's a sense during any film, or any job, that a some point midweek you've broken it, the majority is done and the final run in should be easier than it has been so far and things can be a bit more relaxed. That's didn't happen on this. I didn't feel we'd broken in until the very last shot on the last day, which still left us with 2 days to pick up later. I know those two days will be more relaxed. But it was tough and tense right till the end.

There were one or two blow-outs during the shoot. People lost their patience. Which was fair enough. I remained calm through out. I almost lost it at one point. I forget exactly what day, Friday night maybe. I'd had enough of people telling me what to do and was building up to a blow out. I figured "Fuck it, I'm done, I'm gone. I'm going home to my wife and daughter, I'm sick of the lot of you..." I was waiting for the moment someone pushed me over the edge, but they didn't so I had a conversation with myself, I calmed myself down and I chose not to embarrass myself and waste everyone's time. We shot the scene and we moved on.

The level of commitment through out really blew me away. People brought their best work to the table and I enjoyed watching everyone work. All the cast brought their best. The crew were outstanding. I'm not going to single anyone out, but there were some star players, and they'll be the people you see go far. I was so grateful, and lucky, to have them.

There are still some scenes to get, the opening of the film, the conversation that changes everything for the two main characters, and the end of the film. All two handers. So hopefully we can go back and get them in the coming months. After all, it's nothing if it's not finished.

I was happy with everything that was going in. I haven't looked back at it yet. But I know there's a film in there. I'm not sure what it is yet though. Something different came out in that room. Something a bit more frightening then I had planned on. It's closer to the bone I think. I'm not entirely sure what I've made. It's the film I wrote. But I'm kind of afraid of this film. We'll see what arrives in the edit.

Me and DOP John Lawlor

Things I've learned on this one: Plan better. Schedule better. Be realistic. Fights are complicated. 8 people in a room talking is complicated (especially when they're pointing guns at each other). Good continuity is so important. An 1st AD is essential. 5 days is probably impossible. Two weeks is better. It's always going to cost more then you had planned for. Shooting in a filthy old building is a pain in the arse. Shoot in a comfortable hotel next time. Shooting dark material can effect you mentally. Remain positive. Focus on what's in front of you. Be in the centre of the room. Step up. Lead. DON'T PANIC.

I'm quite drained this week. I had the first good nights sleep last night. Previous to this it was broken with a lot of anxiety dreams of still filming and nightmares. Today I feel extremely low, which is probably just the come down from such a busy few weeks. So maybe I'll cheer up soon and be dying to get back on set!

But trying not to end on a dull note I am extremely happy with what's been done. The shots are beautiful looking, the performances are outstanding (wouldn't be surprised if there weren't a few awards on the distant horizon) and I think I've made the film I set out to make. I'm looking forward to the edit, I love editing and I'm so excited to start putting all this together, especially to Dermot O'Mahony's score. I think we've got a good film on our hands and I'm looking forward to finishing it and to showing you, especially all those who have supported it over the last year, and those who have believed in me.

Rehearsals: Day 3

It's almost mid-night, I should be asleep, considering I didn't sleep very well at all last night (bad tummy, and anxiety dreams) and today was long, productive, yet tiring day at rehearsal, but, there's a 21 month old running around my ankles. Someone decided she didn't want to go to sleep tonight. After two hours of tantrum we finally gave in and and our lovely little daughter in happily running around singing and laughing... she won this battle!

Elaine Reddy, Steve Gunn, Me, Patrick O'Donnell in The Factory

 Today was a good day. We blocked a good portion of the script, up page 40, so over half. Tomorrow we'll do the same. It got a little tough in the afternoon.

Discussing a scene

My energy was completely depleted. I could feel that the ideas weren't coming and because the rehearsal schedule has really been thrown out the window at this stage and we're just doing everything we can, when we can, I was finding it hard to focus on what exactly to do with half the cast not there. Sleep deprivation is not conducive to the creative environment... or anything really.

Steve captures the moment

But we got through it and found a pace again. With it we got through several important scenes, so I was happy enough with that. Hopefully tomorrow we'll have all the crew there and can run through the entire script, start to finish and start figuring out the movements. 

It's such a technical piece, I'm so glad I blocked off this week for rehearsal, we would have been up shit creek on set with all we have to do in 5 days! But I know, even with all this prep, it's still going to be intense on set, and I'm sure, like every other film I've done, a hell of a lot more than I'm anticipating... it's this blind optimism keeps us coming back, after the pain of the broken arm has faded we still go back and climb the tree.

OK, more tomorrow. Hopefully. I probably would have missed this one if little miss wakey wakes had decided to be little miss sleepy sleeps instead!

Rehearsals: Day 2

Today was a good day. A very good day. Those hiccups I mentioned, we got them solved. Starting with a very welcome phone call from Steve Gunn last night to say he'd mentioned the part to a friend of his, Patrick O'Donnell. He sent me a link to his reel, I was about 30 seconds of it a breathed a huge sigh of relief! My thumb lit across the blackberry qwerty keyboard and the deal was sealed! Patrick was in.

I got to together first thing with Michael and Steve. We hit their scenes together and tried to find the right balance between the two brothers in the opening scene. It went well. We didn't have enough time at it, so hopefully we can back to it, and their relationship during the week.

Everyone joined us, Maryann (my wife) came along to take info on costumes before going off to look for them. We got word then that Patrick was going to be able to join us for a reading. So we hung out a little bit, though I should curb the hanging out, we've only three days left and still a lot to go through! But the reading was great, Patrick brought a whole new take on Tone that changed it completely from how Keith was playing it, which I think is what it needed. I couldn't match what Keith was doing, and I didn't want to try, so I'm glad Patrick took it his own way, we can move ahead now.

What was nice too was that he knew most everyone, and had worked with almost everyone there. I was hoping for that, I think that relaxed atmosphere of friends and colleagues who now each other, like each other and thrive off each other makes for a good working atmosphere and allows us to bipass the getting-to-know-you stage. We can get stuck right it with a talented acting troupe.

Something else that worked out, my previous insurers, the one's I used on Emily's Song and Slán agus Beannacht got back to me, turns out they didn't go out of business but were just bought by another firm. So that is finally sorted - HURRAY!!! That's a load off my mind.

So yeah, it was a good day! And I'm looking forward to getting stuck in again tomorrow.

Meantime, seems we're making Headlines - Page one of IFTN today:

Rehearsals: Day 1

Well, we have begun... rehearsals at least. Day one done. We've set up camp in The Factory in Dublin, a studio, rehearsal space founded by John Carney, Kirsten Sheridan, Lance Daly and others. It's a great space (if not a little chilly). Most of the cast gathered at 10am, started by chatting, getting to know new faces, and then got stuck into some conversations about the script, the character, the themes and tone there in.

We had some lunch, soup and sandwiches, warmed us up. Then back to it. We read the end of the script, sequence 18 is a long a complicated piece, so I wanted to hit it first. A little more discussion and then everyone but me, Michael and Brian stayed behind to work on their character's relationship, which is one of high intensity! Even though we only started we got stuck in and it felt good.

It's always fun to see it come to life and watch the choices actors make, changing, improving upon, bringing new meaning to what I've written - and making it real, making the project real.

There are a couple of hiccups that arose over the weekend that have yet to be sorted out. For some reason my insurers are not getting back to me, no idea why they're dragging their heals, usually insurence has never been a worry, it goes through in the first phone call! But I decided to try a different firm this time and I can safely say I wont be using them again, well, maybe at all if they don't get back to me tomorrow!

We will have insurance, we can't do without it, that simple, we wont be allowed on location without it! It's just annoying that I've been put in this situation and made doubtful while I should just be concentrating on the creative side of things. Hopefully it'll get sorted in the next day or two.

Another headache came when I got a call on Saturday even from Keith Ward, the actor playing Tone, and the stunt coordinator, telling me that he had to pull out, just two days before rehearsal! He's working on Asterix 3 in Waterford and the shoot got pushed back because of the weather. Stupid hurricane! I don't hold any grudge toward Keith, I know he was in a tight spot. It's frustrating alright, but these things happen all the time. Hopefully tomorrow we'll have a new Tone. It's going to be a big challenge for whatever actor takes it. He's got to learn a whole character and script in four days! When Keith had it for a year! So watch this space!

OK, that's all for today. More tomorrow. I need to sleep now!!!

Lucky Number 5

Tomorrow is Thursday. That's three days to pick up everything I need. Lights, sound equipment, food, water, kitchen equipment, props, costumes... I'm getting flashbacks to my childhood and Saturday evenings when Challenge Anneka was on! Lots to do. Someone called me this evening and asked if I'd do a music video for them, for some reason I agreed to meet them tomorrow. Don't know what I was thinking, for one, I don't do music videos, and what the hell time do I think I have?! I'm going to have to cancel.

Monday brings the first day of rehearsal, now taking place in The Factory in Dublin. The guys did me a great deal and got me out of a hole! I thought we were getting the Complex, one of the actors helps out there and said we probably could get it, but they booked a show in the meantime. Fair enough. I'm interested to see what the Factory space is like. The palce was a famous rehearsal space for bands back in the 80s, the likes of U2 used to rehearse there. Recently it has been reestablished as a film studio, set up by several well known Irish filmmakers, John Carney (Once) Kirsten Sheridan (August Rush) and Lance Daly (Kisses) among them. I believe it's meant to operate in the same way Coppola's Zoetrope does, or did! A kind of filmmakers collective?! I'm not a hundred percent sure, so looking forward to finding out more. (RTE Radio interview about the place Here.)

Apart from that aspect I'm just looking forward to getting into a room with the actors and figuring this thing out. With all the delays on this, 5 false starts in total, it's actually been a bit of a blessing. It's given us the time to meet again and again and try different things. Things that didn't always work, but you have to go down these roads. I've had the luxury of having lengthy conversations with the actors. Nothing has been rushed and I believe it's all lead to a stronger script and hopefully that will all translate to a better film.

Just mentioning the 5 false starts there - it's interesting, 5 seems to be the constant trend here, fifth start attempt, €5000 budget, 5 day shoot. Hopefully it's Lucky!

Should get to bed. Late. I've already had one sleepless night filled with worry this week, so going to try and get some sleep before a busy day tomorrow! Just thought I'd empty sweep some brain dust under the rug before laying it to rest.

More soon. Once we get into rehearsals it should get a bit more interesting and hopefully I'll be able to post a lot more pictures and maybe some more videos.

SEPTEMBER!

It's September. That means one thing. I'm shooting this month!

Two years ago me and a friend sat in a pub having a few beers and talking about movies. We kept saying we should do something together. I had this idea of getting a bunch of actors together and putting them in one location with an story and seeing what came out (a lazy writer's dream!)

There was a location I had in mind. As it happened another friend was in the same bar, a councillor at the time, so I asked if we could get into a certain location. He said yes. And so it was in motion. I had planned to shoot that October. Just one month later! But... didn't happen. Reality dawned.

We set to writing a script, Mark Lebenon and I. We didn't get very far. The idea kept falling flat. We couldn't find a hook. A reason to keep everyone in the building. Mark and his family eventually decided to return to South Africa after the recession took it's toll on them. But before Mark left we met for one more chat and he told me about a play he was working on, one that took place in a school, all over the school. So the audience would be lead around from class to class to watch different scenes. I thought this was a great idea. And so grew the idea of shooting the film in one take.

From that came the idea of having to shoot in real time. That's when I thought of the Tiger Kidnapping idea, the idea that it would take one of the kidnappers and hour-and-half to go to a bank and comeback. So there it was. That took about a year.

While Mark was still here I started casting. And once again planned to shoot in October of that year, 2010. But then the location fell through. I pushed it to January, scheduling problems. March, money problems. May, more scheduling problems. Finally I said September, and that's it. If anyone can't do it then I'll find someone who can, but everyone committed. If I don't have the money, I'll beg steal and borrow... which I did!

So here we are, September 2011! Finally. Less than 4 weeks out from shooting. I'm meeting some actors tomorrow to talk in detail about characters. I meeting Dermot O'Mahony on Saturday to talk Music and from here on out I'll be working on it everyday. Which is exciting.

And, I can also finally announce that Catherine Wrigglesworth joins the cast playing Louise. Welcome Cath, happy to have you on board!

Catherine Wrigglesworth (centre) in Jason Figgis' Railway Children.

Plenty more news to come as we move forward. Stay tuned.

PFO

I got a PFO letter this week. I have a stack of them. A large pile that I used to keep pinned to the wall beside my desk, but that now inhabit the bottom of a box somewhere. I also have several gigs of PFO emails.

Ah, the rejection letter. It's a daily subjection as a filmmaker and writer to be faced with rejection. Daily rejection? Think about that. To be told "No" "Not Good Enough" "Go Away" "Not A Chance" "PLEASE F*&@ OFF" on a daily basis. I imagine it's a lot like what it feels like to be a chugger. (Though that doesn't make me hate them any less!)

But, alas, it is part of the process. It gets easier to take. But is no less annoying. I suppose it helps develop a thick skin and enforces the resolve to keep going. To prove them wrong? a little bit, yes. But it's always about the work. Making something good and enjoying it, because that's why you're in it in the first place - for the love of the work. Not for the approval of funding bodies.

In fact, I'd like to start sending them PFO letters back.

Dear Funding Body,


          Well I don't need you stupid money anyway. I'm still going to make my film. :b'


Yours Sincerely
A Jilted Lover.

Does make me sound a bit like a jilted lover doesn't it?! Well, maybe not then. Best to just brush it off. Just figure on the fact that your work is not going to be for everyone and keep doing it anyway.

The project I'm referring to was of course Derelict (as well as every other project I've ever thought of, developed, wrote and made) but that's shooting in 4 weeks time. So you make it happen. No one else. Just you. People may step in to help if you're lucky, but still and always it's down to you to make it happen. Rejection is part of acceptance. Makes becoming all the sweeter.

Now, I have work to do, so if you don't mind - PFO.

;)

2001: A Filmmaker's Odyssey

2001 really was the year that changed my life forever. For lots of personal reasons, but also for film.

I graduated college in 2000 having studied Animation for 4 years at Ballyfermot College of Further Education. I started out top of my class, an extremely enthusiastic student, but I didn't stay that way. I probably graduated bottom of my class, if I'm entirely honest. For lots of reasons, and not to play the blame game, but it was the kind of college where you were pretty much left to your own devises, they weren't so big on the guidance thing, and left to my own devises I'm easily distracted.

One such distraction was screenwriting. I became obsessed with it. I've always been a film fan and I've wanted to make films for as long as I can remember. And I've always been a keen writer. But again, never really guided. Sounds odd, but I discovered screenwriting quite late. When I did, I knew this was my way in. College took a backseat from then on.

I went to LA straight after graduation. Spent several weeks looking for work in some of the top studios in the world with a half-assed portfolio and the worst reel you'd ever seen. Not surprisingly I didn't find work, so I came home early. My girlfriend at the time had already decided she was going to spend a year in Australia, backpacking. I could come, or not, but whatever I decided she was going. So I guess that meant I was going.

She went ahead by several months. I stayed behind working on a factory production line trying to safe enough money to join her. I was lucky though. I was sat alone in the far corner of a large factory on a near empty floor on a self-running test machine that I only had to load every 30 minutes. It gave me months to write. I actually loved it. I wrote three short scripts and two feature scripts. They were terrible. I knew even then. But I was writing. And more to the point I discovered that I enjoyed it more than Animation. I loved making up stories.

I finished working there in January of 2001 and by that time I had made the decision not to pursue Animation any further and instead follow my first love, no, not the girlfriend in Australia, but Film.

When I landed in Australia I was of course thrilled to see the girlfriend, and her me... for about 12 hours! The next day I dropped the bombshell "I'm not doing Animation anymore, I want to make films." The look on her face should have told me that was the end, but I've always been a little naive that way. It took several more months for the penny to drop.

During the following oblivious months I wrote, like never before. I poured over screenwriting books, I bought notebooks and took endless notes and I even bought myself an old type-writer from SVP (SVP would play a hand in my career again of course!) and I set to writing the screenplay I was going to direct when I got back to Ireland. It was a kidnap thriller called Blood . Dirt . Money even had the full-stops like that and everything!

A huge influence on the script, and me, was the film Memento by Christopher Nolan. It truly inspired me and informed me. It changed how I looked at films. I realised this was the kind of film I wanted to make. Something contained, taught, dark, something that kept the audience guessing and enthralled. That first draft of B.D.M probably lifted a lot from Memento, in fact, I know it did, as well as a lot of other films. Looking back it was something of a patchwork of borrowed scenes! But I managed to finish the screenplay before we left Sydney. Little didn't I know that when I typed 'The End' it meant more than just the end of the script.

I came back to Ireland early. The girlfriend stayed behind to spend some time with her sister, or so I thought. I had suspicions something else had been going on for a while. She would cry for no reason. Disappear to meet friends, who would then show up completely unaware of any such meeting, strange misplaced apologies. When she eventually did get back I popped around to see her and was sitting at the table flicking through a magazine when I came across her named, written across a L'Oreal advertisement, but with a different second name, and not mine!

I remember her telling me years ago that it was something all girls did, write their name with the second name of a potential husband to see if it looked good, sounded good (she always thought my second name sounded funny with hers!) I never forgot the name, and it was only years later when I heard the name of her now husband that it was all confirmed. We broke up that week.

But none of that matters now. She's married. I'm married. Everyone's grown up and happy. It's just relevant to the year that changed my life. 2001. My odyssey!

After that I decided I would focus on writing. I got in touch with Thomas Kennedy. Told him I wanted to make this script I had and if could advise me. He read it. Never mentioned it again. But asked if I wanted to write something else with him. From that first meeting came Emily's Song, our award winning short film. Ten years on the writing partnership continues, that although we've been interrupted by marriages and kids and careers and soon immigration, it is still going strong - I'm meeting him tomorrow in fact, we're still working on Iscariot!

So that was the year that changed my life. Had I not made that decision I would have the films I've made, the friends, the collaboration the measure of success I've had. Had the girlfriend not made her decision I would not be happily married to a wonderful, supportive, strong woman with whom I have the most beautiful daughter.

And ten years on I finally get to make my kidnap thriller. Except this time is called Derelict and hopefully the script is a bit better!