Saturday, September 28, 2013
The Far Side of the World.
Here I am. In America. The USA. The US of A. We made it. Intact. Barely. A long trip. Especially with two kids and a dog. Tiring. Stressful. Emotional. A flight into the abyss. Regretting. Doubting. Every step. Every mile. Unsure. Is this the right thing to do? Stepping so far outside our comfort zone at times it felt like being lost in cold dark space. And it's not a nice feeling. Immigrating is hard work. It may be the hardest thing I've ever done. It's tested me on every level of my being. Stripped me bare. Exposed me. Left me raw and ragged and rung out. But we're here. Still here. We made it. We came through it. And we're getting settled. Things are coming together.
It's different. Not what I thought. We've only been gone for two and a half weeks. I've been away from home on holiday for a lot longer than that. But it feels different. It feels bigger. More permanent. I never felt far away from home when I was away before. But now I feel far away. And I feel the tug. It's going to be hard work. There's a long road ahead. Work would be good. That'd be a start. As the days and weeks now go by at speed and money runs out and bills starts to come there's a violent need to find work. I would like to continue making films. I would like if film was related to that work. But is has fallen off the priority list. Survival has pressed pause on creativity.
It's interesting. In the summer before we left we got rid of the TV at home and I talked about how I suddenly had this clarity of thought. I was forming ideas far quicker. Filling my notebooks with fully formed stories and ideas for scripts that were ready to go. Since I arrived I haven't had a single idea for a story or a single thought toward those previous stories. Right now I don't see how I would or could make a film here. But I know that's temporary. I know it will come back. I know I need to do what is right and best and necessary for my family to help us survive, settle and live here.
To that end I have decided to leave behind a lot of the projects I was working on at home. Not all of them. But some I had been hanging onto for years that weren't going anywhere. I want to see what comes. When I do finally settle into my environment what that will bring. I have always found that my stories come from my environment. So I think I need to discover and understand that before I can continue.
I've decided to give Derelict away for free too. I'm fed up of getting rejections from film festivals, distributors and the Irish Film Board. Being told it's not good enough. Being told there's no audience, or no audience would like this. So the hell with all them and to hell with the traditional way to market and to hell with money. It's free. It's yours. Watch it. Share it. Like it. Hate it. It's up to you. It's out there now. In fact IT'S RIGHT HERE!
One last thing, HERE IS the last interview I did with LMFM. It was recorded the day before I left Ireland. I talk about why I chose to leave.
Thanks for reading. More soon.